Don't Fear the Rapper

This news story out of Utah does little to change the reputation of the state. Watch as these “hooligans” were handed citations by the police after ordering at a McDonald’s drive-thru window. Just another place I’d never want to live…

What Up With This?

OK. This is either the worst SNL skit ever… or perhaps the best. I haven’t yet decided. A little help?

Birthday Party Pinata Broken By Stranger

Little Christopher Lindsay’s birthday party was ruined over the weekend when a man in a hooded sweatshirt, who had not been invited to the party, but said his name was Eugene Varshavsky and that he was a friend of a friend who works with Lindsay’s father, stepped up to the dinosaur-shaped piñata and broke it with one swing if the broomstick handle.

Although Varshavsky and the children in attendance were rewarded with Tootsie Rolls and other flying candy treats, some party-goers became suspicious that perhaps the stranger had been peeking, and not fully blindfolded after all.

OK – I made that whole story up.

But this guy Varshavsky apparently walked into to the National Sudoku Championships in Philadelphia this weekend – I didn’t know they existed either – and made it to the finals, where he was guaranteed a $3000 prize. It was at that point when officials watching him “solve a difficult puzzle” realized he was too stupid to have solved the previous round of puzzles and launched an investigation into his alleged cheating.

Strangely enough, at the World Chess Championships in 2006, also held in the City of Brotherly Love, a man who also claimed to be one Eugene Varshavsky beat several highly-ranked chess players before his unexpected success caused officials to watch his play more closely. At that point, he lost, while proving himself to be nothing more than a mere chess novice.

So be on the lookout during the World Series. If Charlie Manuel goes to the bullpen and a guy named Varshavsky trots out to the mound, let’s just say I wouldn’t want to be one of the first few Yankees to face him.

When the Walls Fell?

My friend Ron posted the following sentence as his Facebook status update this morning:

“Darmok and Gilad at Tanagra.”

I instantly knew what he meant, and I’m not sure if that makes me part of a cool group of a select few, or simply a huge nerd.

What do you think? And are you one of us? And if so, dare you admit it here?

What's the Rush to Report?

Was this a real story, or part of a really, really clever promotional campaign on the part of ABC? Commercials promoting the debut of “V” on November 3 have been airing around the clock, so I couldn’t help but wonder if the following story was not really real…

(AP) - A meteorite-like object crashed into a meadow in northern Latvia, creating a crater 27 feet (9 meters) wide and 9 feet (3 meters) deep, a geologist who visited the site said Monday.

Uldis Nulle, a scientist at the Latvian Environment, Geology and Meteorology Center, said there was smoke coming out of the crater when he arrived at the crash site late Sunday in the Mazsalaca region near the Estonian border.

“My first impression is that, yes, it was a meteorite,” he said. “All the evidence suggests this when compared to pictures of real meteorite craters.”

Sure enough, my instincts were correct. Just two hours later:

(AP) - North Vidzeme Biosphere Reserve geologist Dainis Ozols has concluded that the object in Mazsalaca, thought to be a meteorite, is merely smoky ember of chemical elements and the wide crater around it is in fact man-made.

Ozols arrived at the location, where the alleged meteorite had fallen, at 9 a.m. Monday, as the geologist informed LETA. He established that the 10-12 meters wide depression in land surface was artificially created and afterward potassium nitrate and sulphur were burned there.

What’s next? Rush Limbaugh reporting satirical Onion-type articles about Barack Obama as the truth and then refusing to recant even when he learns he has been duped? Nah!