August 31, 2009

My Little Maverick

OK. I’m not one of those parents who think their kid is the first in the universe to ever say or do something cute… and I am definitely NOT going to turn this blog into a “you’ll never guess what my kid said” daily update. However, I do believe, at 4 1/2 years of age, my son has developed quite the sense of humor and wanted to at least get one post out there in the universe attesting to this fact.


Yesterday, as the sun was just coming up – somehow, kids always get up far too early on the weekends, yet need to be dragged from their beds when it’s a school day – while sitting downstairs waiting for my wife to join us, the little one sat next to me and said he was hungry. I asked him what he wanted for breakfast, and he said “eggs and biscuits,” his favorite morning meal. I went to get up to make it, and he stopped me…


“Don’t go, Daddy.”


“Why not?”


“I want Mommy to make breakfast.”


“Mommy’s still sleeping. I’ll start it.”


“No… Eggs and biscuits taste better when Mommy makes it.”


“Does anything taste better when Daddy makes it?”


Pause.


Long pause.


Really long pause.


“I love you, Daddy... Look over there…”


And off he ran to wake his mother.


Hurt feelings aside, I love that he has developed a sense of comic timing. Last year during the election season, we tried to keep him somewhat aware of the Presidential race, and once the votes were in, took great pride over the next few days in being able to "show him off" by asking him to tell people who the President was. He’d strongly proclaim, “Barack Obama” and family members would be impressed at his knowledge of current events.


As time went by, though, and these other family members started to ask him to perform this dog and pony show for their friends, and the response started to diminish in exuberance, it was clear he was no longer interested in being our little puppet.


So, several months later, when yet another relative, who hadn't yet seen the show, “pimped him” by asking if knew who the President was, my future stand-up was ready with a brand new answer that got him that big reaction that he had been craving…


“Not John McCain, that's for sure.”

I've Got A Fever...

For those of you who have been waiting all weekend to find out the results, below are the “answers” to Friday’s “How Much Would You Pay” Quiz…


Comedy Group 1

Demetri Martin

50

Tracy Morgan

40

Richard Lewis/Susie Essman

35

Jim Breuer

29


Seriously? I guess having been on SNL doesn’t carry any weight at all these days.



Comedy Group 2

Dane Cook

110

Chelsea Handler

65

Carlos Mencia

59

Jeff Ross/Dom Irrera

35


Not surprised at all by Cook, but Chelsea Handler second? Not even if she juggled her assistant Chuy.


Female Singers/Bands

Melissa Etheridge

102

The Pointer Sisters

75

Kelly Clarkson

59

Demi Lovato

49


Etheridge isn’t my cup of tea, but I get it. However, exactly how relevant is “The Neutron Dance” these days?


Male Singers/Bands

Rob Thomas

86

Englebert Humperdink

75

Blink 182

65

Daughtry

39


This one actually doesn’t bother me – though I wonder how much Thomas would charge if the rest of the Matchbox was onstage with him.


“Rock” Group 1

Loggins and Messina

70

Rick Springfield

50

KC and the Sunshine Band

35

Blue Oyster Cult

FREE


I guess you can’t put a price on cowbell.



“Rock” Group 2

Counting Crows

85

Pet Shop Boys

75

Heaven and Hell

65

Black Crowes

50


I know Kate Hudson isn’t likely to be in the audience, but has the Black Crowes stock dropped that low?


The Leftovers

Sylvia Browne

75

Hypno-Sterical

22

Real Housewives of New Jersey

20

KISS Tribute Band

15


Really, you didn’t have to be a psychic to see this one coming… but it is sad that the Real Housewives sitting around and yapping is worth more than even a fake Ace Frehley.

August 28, 2009

How Much Would You Pay...

I apologize for the late post today, as a really bad electrical storm blew past this morning (with Round 2 no doubt on the horizon as we speak) and we were left with no phone, no light – alright we had the motorcar – but not the internet, which I consider to be quite the luxury. Perhaps it wasn’t as primitive as Robinson Crusoe, but nevertheless, it was a frustrating three-hour tour.


Forced to read the local newspaper – and that’s not a dig on reading, which I do enjoy; rather a sad commentary of the schlockiness of the Press of Atlantic City – my jaw dropped in horror upon reading some of the ticket prices being charged by the local casinos to see the latest batch of bands, singers, comedians and other entertainment headed into town. It’s not that I was surprised by the prices themselves, which generally tend to average around $35/seat for acts with smaller followings, $50/seat for more-mainstream acts, and $100/seat and up reserved for the cream of the crop, and “legends” like Robin Williams (prices ranging from $175-$245).


No, what stunned me was the names of some of the artists who were given “A-List” status, whose asking price seemed ludicrous to me, in relation to some “cheaper tickets” for acts I’d assume would be able to fetch far more per seat on the open market. Not that the high-priced acts aren’t talented, but it’s a relative thing. Maybe it’s just me, but I can’t surmise how $45 can get you in to see ZZ Top, when Journey (sans Steve Perry, no less) requires you to spend over twice as much.


$95 for Arnel Pineda? Maybe if they sang this version of the song...


But maybe I’m way off base. Perhaps my personal tastes have clouded my judgment. Why don’t you be the jury on this? I’m going to give you several grouping of performers, and you try and put them in order of "cheapest ticket" to "highest ticket" for a front-row seat.


No fair using Ticketmaster as your “phone-a-friend.”


Feel free to post your guesses for all to see in the comments section below… and I’ll post the answers on Monday.


Comedy Group 1

Demetri Martin

Jim Breuer

Richard Lewis/Susie Essman

Tracy Morgan


Comedy Group 2

Carlos Mencia

Chelsea Handler

Dane Cook

Jeff Ross/Dom Irrera


Female Singers/Bands

Demi Lovato

Kelly Clarkson

Melissa Etheridge

The Pointer Sisters


Male Singers/Bands

Blink 182

Daughtry

Englebert Humperdink

Rob Thomas


“Rock” Group 1

Blue Oyster Cult

KC and the Sunshine Band

Loggins and Messina

Rick Springfield


“Rock” Group 2

Black Crowes

Heaven & Hell (some of Black Sabbath minus Ozzy, plus Ronnie James Dio)

Pet Shop Boys

Counting Crows


The Leftovers

“Hypno-Sterical” – purported ‘hysterically funny hypnotist’

KISS, not the real performers, just a tribute band

Real Housewives of New Jersey, to chat about their reality show

Sylvia Browne, alleged psychic


Good luck!

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