January 5, 2010

Where's the Love?


Hot Twitter trend of the day: Conveyor Belt



Last night on ABC, after the Bachelor handed out his roses and the show opted to show a five-minute highlight reel of the rest of the season - Spoiler alert: hearts get broken. I know, shocking - the network aired a new show called "Conveyor Belt of Love" where five insane ladies sat in front of a conveyor belt, rolling out guys at a "hunk a minute" clip. A combination of speed dating and "America's Got Talent" - the show actually worked because there was no cloying host explaining and re-explaining the rules over and over again. It's a simple, brainless concept, and if you can't figure it out while watching, you probably don't deserve to have it explained to you.

My favorite moment was when the final competitor (seen above) was about to bump one of the two alrady selected date candidates: a schlubby, sweaty Chris Farley-impersonator. It was clear he was about to get the boot, so he did the noble thing, and announced to his potential date that he was stepping down, since he didn't want to stand in the way of her happiness with Mr. Hunk. She was so impressed by that self-sacrifice, that she decided to keep Faux-Farley. His reaction was priceless: "Wow! That's the first time that's ever worked."

Speaking of Chris Farley and "large comedians" of his ilk with health issues, Artie Lange was hospitalized this week for undisclosed reasons and rumors abounded that Jim Breuer would replace him on the Howard Stern Show. Breuer denied this on Facebook: "OKAY I have to put a rumor to rest. I AM NOT replacing Artie. I don't even know what's going on with Artie and the STERN SHOW. I'm not sure how it started but I can assure EVERYONE it's NOT TRUE. If something is wrong with Artie we should all throw a prayer his way for his mental and physical health."

I met Jim Breuer at the All-Star Game in Cleveland (back when he was on Saturday Night Live and I was Mr. Met) during the celebrity softball game. Jim was a huge Mets fan. About a month after the game, I'm on the top of the dugout during the seventh inning stretch doing my usual dance to "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" and through the din of the crowd, I hear a voice screaming "Mr. Met Rocks!!!!" I look around to try and find the source of the screaming, and there, leaning over the railing of the loge level is Jim Breuer, giving me "the metal sign."

In 1941, Lieutenant Josef Stanislaw Kosacki used a series of vaccum tubes and batteries to develop one of the first machines to give the user an indication, or a sign, that metal was present. His invention was the standard for sweeping mine fields for almost 50 years, which kept armies moving smoothly across potentially dangerous areas with far greater speed. It also provided the building blocks for the airport security screening booths of today.

Also a familiar sight in most modern airports around the world? Conveyor belts... love optional.

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