Oh, Lord Won't You Buy Me Some Brains?

Keith and Porsche (Yes, spelled like the car. Sigh.)

So, now that Big Brother 13 is in full swing, I'm going to once again lament the choice by the "powers that be" to try and stir the pot with gimmicks. 

By bringing back 6 former contestants into the house to join 8 newbies, once one of the returnees won the HOH comeptition (in this case Rachel) the battle lines were clearly going to be drawn along those lines (as anyone with half a brain could have predicted.) 

Now, by itself, the concept of forcing the houseguests to play as pairs for the first few weeks would have been sufficient to generate conflict and to be the catalyst for alliances to form... and the fact that a secret alliance (nicknamed The Regulators) was indeed forged by one member of each of the four "new pairs" was a welcome surprise. For once, the casting department managed to find at least a few people who understand basic strategical concepts. Who knew they had it in them?

Unfortunately, the "pairs" conceit won't work when coupled with the returning duos because the forced pairings have no inherent loyalty to one another, whereas two engaged couples and a loyal father/daughter (at least when they are in the house) will never betray the other. The Regulators, in a house full of first-time cast members would be a force to be reckoned with... but in this format, they are all but guaranteed to remain outnumbered -- and that's before the alumni start to woo people to their side.

What did you expect? My name is EVEL!

As Evel Dick so brilliantly schemed out, what the"Alumni" have to do is to recruit one loyal noob (and eventual sacrificial lamb) to their team and they'll have the numbers advantage throughout the rest of the game. And Porsche walked right into his trap, somehow thinking that she was a genius for being smart enough to make such a bold move. 

Perhaps I would applaud her if not for the existence of the third wrinkle set in motion by the "powers that be" -- that pairs must be nominated together, and whoever of the two is not eliminated gets a free pass to the final ten. So, when Porsche immediately runs to her partner, Keith, and pretty much tells him that she's now in cahoots with Evel Dick, and isn't that great news... all she's really doing is giving him a heads up that he needs to start campaigning against her, because she's already going to have the Alumni voting to keep her and not Keith. 

Stupid!

Further, she honestly was stunned when she and Keith were ultimately nominated for eviction, and feels totally betrayed. 

Double stupid! 

She's not even clever enough to realize that the nomination is being made in order to get her that "golden key" and a trip to the top ten and therefore, is not a betrayal, but rather a sign that Evel Dick (and by extension, the entire Alumni, through HOH Rachel) is living up to his promise. 

Oh, ironic product placement, I think I love you!

Of course, because of certain major spoiler info that leaked -- another problem of trying to maintain secrecy and creating dramatic tension for the network broadcasts while Live Feeds of the ongoing competition are readily available to those who wish to see them -- much of what I've written above is about to be rendered somewhat moot. 

I'll not spoil it here myself, but it's just another example of the "unexpected" destroying much of what the "powers that be" tried to force-feed into the Big Brother game, when, had they simply gone with 14 new contestants... Well, things would be a lot less confusing in the next episode... 

Stay tuned!

All Apologies to Chubby Checker

Tonight is the premiere of the 13th season of Big Brother, a show with which I have a very strong love/hate relationship. 

Of all the reality shows out there, it's the most "pure" in terms of generating a winner. There are no judges to impress and, in theory, the viewing audience does not have a say in who ends up winning the whole shebang. The only people who determine who wins each season's top prize are the contestants themselves. 

Now, you could say the same thing about Survivor, but the reason I prefer Big Brother's game engine is because the structure of the show provides far more strategy than does Tribal Council. A competition yields a Head of Household who nominates two people for eviction. A second competition gives one contestant a chance to veto one of the nominations before the secret ballot. 

In other words, there are chances for "dead-in-the-water" houseguests to save themselves, along with the potential to use decoy nominations to throw people off the scent of any secret alliances. 

Unfortunately, CBS does not know how to leave well enough alone, and that's where I get annoyed...

Left alone, the show will generate its own drama and intrigue, simply because the format of the show is built to do so. However, each year, CBS feels the need to inject some element of unpredictability -- a "shocking twist" -- in order to put a so-called stamp of originality on the upcoming season. In doing so, though, the game engine itself is often artificially altered just enough to ruin the competition. 

Past seasons have seen contestants "blindsided" by the inclusion of: secret partners working together, identical twins swapping in and out of the house to see if anyone caught on, former romantic partners being inserted into the cast, one player who America would tell what to do and how to vote each week, and last season's incredibly ill-conceived concept of a saboteur. 

The "saboteur" was not in the house to try and win, but merely to be a nuisance to the rest of the housemates. If the saboteur lasted a certain number of weeks, they would win a cash prize, and then, presumably, be removed from the game. The houseguests immediately tried to vote out the person they thought was the sabotuer -- a stupid move in and of itself, since keeping the sabotuer would actually help their chances of winning -- but somehow, by sheer chance, they got it on the first try. 

The season's "big twist" was rendered moot in Week 1, and CBS had egg on their face, and scrambled quickly to try and come up with a Plan B. Of course, no such second option was needed, because with the lame concept gone, the season actually proved to be one of the more interesting in the show's history. Why? Because the game engine was left to run on its own merits and worked perfectly. 

So now, this season, what have the brilliant minds of CBS done? They've promised the Craziest Twists Ever! Yep, they're going to have 8 new contestants in the house along with returning "pairs of previous houseguests." That will either create an artificial 8-6 split in the vote right off the bat (if the newbies all bond together) or more likely, if the newbies aren't that savvy, a 6-vote bloc of returnees who will likely control the game from the outset, blindsiding the rookies who don't realize the power of working together. 

Live together, or die alone.

Of course, knowing the producers, they're probably going to "shock us" at some point during the debut by announcing that there will in fact be "teams of two" and pair up six of the newbies with a returning player and everyone will say that they never saw this coming -- meaning of course that we'll really have 3 teams of 4 all vying for the love of the lone pair of newbies, who will likely be given some sort of "joint HOH" status for the first week. 

Just leave it alone, guys... you're not helping! And so help me if I'm right, because it means we're headed for a looooooong summer.

Watch What Happens - Again and Again

Crazy Countess Luann (left) and not-Niclole Kidman, a.k.a. Alex

Reality television comes in several distinct flavors...  

One family of shows is the competition, which can be either audience-vote driven (American Idol, Dancing with the Stars) or a self-contained elimination show (Survivor, Top Chef). Personally, I much prefer the latter, when done well. 

However, the other family of shows is, sadly, far more prevalent. That's the "faux-documentary" cameras which follow the "stars" of the show 24/7 and showcase their "real lives." 

I use the adjective "faux" because on most of these shows, "real" is a very loose term. I don't dispute that these shows aren't scripted, but there's a big difference between sticking the cameras in a room to record what actually happens and sending your entire cast off to a luxury resort, getting them liquored up and then instructing them to discuss hot button issues. 

But here's what's different with the Real Housewives of New York. Yes, they do all of the same things that other programs of this ilk do. This season, for example, they shipped all the titular ladies off to Morocco for a three-episode adventure. And yes, the conversation seems very contrived... "Luann, I need to talk to you about what happened between us right before we left..." Cue convenient clip to refresh our memories of the prior confrontation.

Location: Morocco. The argument? About a year-old incident in the Caribbean. So been there.

Yet, there's no mistaking the reality of these conversations... because they go nowhere. A typical argument goes like this:

"You said A, B and C." 

"No, actually, I said D, then YOU said A and C, but then she said B." 

"That's not how I remember it... and frankly, I was very upset that you said B and C." 

"But I never said C. YOU said C."

And so on, until finally both combatants either agree to disagree, bury the hatchet and move on -- or one storms off, vowing that the friendship is irreparably damaged. 

Because we each remember our experiences from our own perspective, this sort of thing happens in real life all the time. It's very "real" - but ultimately tedious. 

We, the viewers have been shown the actual footage and therefore, we know with a high level of certainty as to who is in the right and who is in the wrong in these fights. Sure, in the heat of the moment, it's fascinating to see just how different each woman's view of the world may be (in some cases, the level of delusion is incredible -- and strangely compelling), but the failing of the show is that they rehash these same arguments over and over and over again, each time replaying the same incriminating sound bites "proving" to the audience who is the "villain" to be scorned. 

How dare you call me a drunk! And where is the waiter with more Pinot Grigio?

The story doesn't advance... and that's when inertia starts to set in and the remote control works its magic.

So, while I give props to this set of Real Housewives for trying to keep it real, where they succeed in doing so somehow (perhaps illogically) also ends up being the reason the show ultimately falls flat.

Platinum Miss

"People living their lives for you on TV...They say they're better than you and you agree"

If you don't recognize those words, allow me to refresh your memory. That's the opening lyric from  Who Will Save Your Soul? a huge hit from Jewel, the host of Bravo's god-awful new reality series, Platinum Hit. 

Basically, the show is Top Chef, but instead of cooking meals, the contestants have to write songs. Here's the problem: on Top Chef I can't taste the food that the chefs prepare, so I have to take the judges at their word when they say, "This tastes great, but that tastes like crap." And Padma and Tom usually can put into words exactly what they find wrong with the dishes they hate. We accept their expertise and the cheftestants do as well, even if they disagree. 

On Platinum Hit, I can hear the songs they sing, so I am more than able to form my own opinion as to who should win each challenge and who should be eliminated. As a result, the judges need to be incredibly clear with their criticism in order for me to see things their way, and it is here where Jewel and Kara DioGuardi completely drop the ball. 

Your lyrics need to be special, like "You're lifting me up. My bra, My bra, My bra."

Last night, which will be the last time I watch the show, they tasked the songwriters to write a catchy "road trip" song. Each contestant crafted a chorus and Jewel and Kara picked their top three. The contestants were then split into three teams to fine-tune and finish those "winners." 

After the writing was all sung and done, we got to hear the end product: one uptempo "road trip" ditty and two angst-ridden dirges. So naturally, the one group that actually did what they were asked to do was deemed the loser by Jewel and Kara. 

Then they reamed out the contestant who had written the hook they already said they liked because apparently, they liked it so much the rest of the song sucked by comparison -- and therefore, she's in danger of being eliminated while the girl who contributed one lyric to the song and the guy who played a little guitar at the beginning of the song were both safe. 

It made so little sense that the contestant herself started crying and screamed, "This makes no sense!" And I have to agree... Jewel and Kara's logic is erratic at best. You can't handpick three songs that you think are the best, team these "winners" with lesser talents (by your own evaluation) and then threaten to eliminate the winners because their inferior cohorts (by your own evaluation) dragged them down to their level. 

But then again, I have only myself to blame. After all, I should have bailed after the premiere episode when Jewel and Kara both ripped into a lyricist for singing, "They say you won't make it." 

"Who are they? You never use they in a song! The audience will think you're talking about them! You've just alienated your entire audience!" 

Once again, I bring your attention to the lyric at the top of this post. Channel changed. The defense rests...

Entertaining Enough

Tough Enough has always been one of my favorite reality shows, and the "new and improved" version is even better than ever. Even if you have no interest in professional wrestling, the show rises well above the standard reality fare out there.

For those of you unfamiliar with the concept, at the simplest level, it's merely American Idol for aspiring professional wrestlers. A bunch of wannabes try to show that they have the talent and personality necessary to be a WWE Superstar, enduring weekly challenges and trying their best to avoid elimination. 

There's nothing new here in theory, but the difference (apart from the fact that Idol contestants rarely face the possibility of getting crushed by an angry 300-pound Bill DeMott if they mess up) is the fact that the mentors and judges actually care about who wins in a way that no other reality show's decision-makers do. 


Whoever wins this show's top prize will be their newest co-worker. If they choose the wrong person, forget about their "reputation" as a talent evaluator being tarnished -- their own earning potential may be hurt.  

What? No, Donald... YOU'RE fired!!! 

Whereas Donald Trump questions potential "apprenti" from across a boardroom table, and seems to eliminate someone on the merest whim, when Stone Cold Steve Austin does it, he clearly spells out what each individual's mistakes have been, and should they not show the appropriate remorse or give the slightest indication that they aren't taking this whole affair as seriously as he does -- because it's not a "show" to him, it's his passion and his way of life -- then they are toast, potential be damned. 

Plus, as Austin paces back and forth in a wrestling ring in front of his three potential victims, there's a sense that at any moment the wrong answer to a question will cause him to physically lash out -- and the contestants feel it too. That brings a level of reality to the affair that no other show can match.

Check it out...

America Is Not Wrong, Dawg!

It wasn't your best for you for me, yo yo yo!

Here's where I am fed up with American Idol...

It's not the constant praise that the judges heap on the incredible lack of talent that takes their stage weekly and forever ruins some otherwise enjoyable songs. 

Nor is it the hypocrisy of their getting so worked up about the "shocking elimination" of Pia that they threaten to commit hari-kiri on the spot, then follow it up by barely registering interest the next week when Paul, who they've been equally complimentary of, gets the boot.

No, what steams me is the finger of blame pointed at the audience: "America, you got it wrong!" "This is who you voted to be in your bottom three, America."

I could care less who wins or loses this show, but I do take umbrage at the lack of "up-front-iness" about the process. Nobody ever gets voted off the show. America never chooses who goes home. That's not how the show's voting process works. 

People call in and cast a vote FOR their favorite contestant. While some people might spread those votes amongst several candidates, the vast majority are simply going to call in and call often for their No. 1 choice to win. 

It is quite possible that, if asked, everyone who voted the week Pia was eliminated thought she was second or third-best overall. They might all have thought that Stefano or Paul or Jacob was the absolute worst. But those guys also each had their own core of fans voting to keep them safe. 

So it really shouldn't be that surprising when someone that everyone watching thinks should finish no worse than fourth or fifth suddenly goes home in ninth because nobody wants them to win the whole thing. In fact, I'd be shocked if we had a season where that didn't happen.

And yes, the reason the process won't change is because the controversial bootings are good for ratings and generating a buzz for the show. I just wish that when they inevitably take place, the show's judges didn't start pointing the finger at viewers, because that starts people thinking there are conspiracies and hidden agendas at work. 

America can't conspire to vote anyone out of this competition. The process won't let them. So, no Ryan, this is not the "bottom three we voted for" but rather, those five singers sitting safely on the couch are the "top five we like best." There is a big difference.

Pray for education, J-Lo

Time to Winnow Down

Our quest to discover the true identity of Marty the Fishboy takes another step forward today, as we eliminate one more of our multiple choice options... He is NOT a genetically mutated parasite who was born in the aftermath of Chernobyl. That would be this fine fellow:

Run for it, Marty!

This is the Flukeman, a "monster of the week" from a 1994 episode of The X-Files who was created from Russian radioactive sewage and ends up terrorizing the citizens of Newark, New Jersey after taking up residence in the city's sewer system. 

He kind of looks like a combo mummy-worm beast, and in the end, although he is ultimately sliced in two by Fox Mulder, regeneration allows him to live on past the closing credits. However, as a possible answer to our question? That ship has sailed.

The truth is still out there folks... and all will soon be revealed. Stay tuned...

Coming Soon

WHO

IS

MARTY 

THE 

FISHBOY

???

Captain Crazy Coat In Trouble

I don't need you now...

Idol's "Top" 13 sang last night, and one of my audition-episode favorites -- I use the term loosely, since it is kind of like having a favorite dental implement. It's still painful, only a tad less so -- was in a word, awful.

Paul McDonald, what happened? Given the choice to essentially sing any song in the world, so long as you could spin some fable about how the artist who sang it (even if it were a cover version) meant the world to you, he chooses a Ryan Adams song? Not Canada's own Bryan Adams, but Ryan Adams. 

In and of itself, that's not a bad thing, but when singing for votes, choosing an obscure artist is strike one. Strike two? Picking a song few people have heard before. Strike three? Selecting a ditty with the following chorus: 

Come pick me up - Take me out - F*%# me up - Steal my records - Screw all my friends - 

They're all full of S&^! - With a smile on my face - And then do it again - I wish you would 

If he's eliminated before he gets to torture my eardrums with that omnipresent Lady Antebellum piece of a Ryan Adams chorus... I'll never forgive Captain Crazy Coat. As it is, he's likely to be in the bottom three with Diva-ster Ashthon and Haley the Yodeler.

The Bicycle Man Cometh

As for who goes home? It all depends how many tweens aren't scared off by his Gordon Jump on Diff'rent Strokes vibe. You know what I mean...

Watch Out For Flying Chairs!

I caught about ten minutes of America's Next Great Restaurant on NBC last night, and already I am almost convinced that contestant Sandra Digiovanni (above, left) is really Coach Bob Knight in disguise. 

Please, whatever you do, DO NOT send your meal back to the kitchen!

What an Improv Show!

The first results show of American Idol has now come and gone, and boy, if I were one of the people going home, I'd be pissed beyond belief. 

I totally believe that the voting is on the up-and-up. Fox has too big a cash cow here to risk a Quiz Show sized scandal by playing with those numbers. Isn't that right, "Junebug" (above, right)? 

However, when you play as loosey-goosey with the way you're going to handle the results, seemingly changing them up to the last moment, it's hard to take the whole process seriously. We were told that the top 5 guys and top 5 girls would be automatically through to the next round, leaving seven guys and seven girls out in the cold. Again, fine.

But then, we were told there would be "wildcards" added by the judges. Mr. Seacrest kept babbling all throughout the two-hour show -- one that had about 15 minutes (at most) of actual content -- that "we" didn't know how many wildcards there would be or how they would be selected. 

About halfway through the program, Ryan again stated his confusion and asked Randy Jackson to explain. Randy then repeated verbatim  exactly what Ryan had said, including the part about "We don't know how many or what the process will be" and we were left in the dark again.

I don't know what's going on... do you?

Whether or not it's true, the impression this gave me was that a) the judges and Ryan truly did not know in advance what the results of the public voting were -- and that's good. But also b) that the show had a few contestants they were going to put through come hell or high water, and they'd spin the wild-card process in whatever way they could to ensure the field they wanted -- and that's bad. 

At any point, if the powers-that-be don't like the outcome, they can just change the rules. "We'll have six of the 14 losers sing for wildcard spots." "How many?" "One. No two. No, wait... who got cut? Three!" It's totally disingenuous and totally unfair to the audience and competitors alike. Set up the rules -- in advance -- and let the chips fall where they may. 

It’s like that reality show Forever Eden. Anyone remember that one? It was on during the same time as things like Paradise Hotel and Temptation Island. 

All the contestants on the show would vote for someone to get an apple which meant that person could then pick someone to nominate for eviction -- UNLESS that person was the same contestant who had been selected in a separate secret vote held for no apparent reason earlier in the week, in which case the person with the apple would be evicted --  until he or she came back the next week and summarily replaced the person given the next week's apple UNLESS the new apple-holder had selected the old apple holder's former roommate as his/her new roommate, in which case the roommate would be sent home instead.

Maybe I’m not remembering it right, but I’m not too far off the mark. Every eviction could be manipulated at the whim of the producers, and while I'm sure they were thinking all these twists made for great television, the show that they said "could last for years" didn't even last the season, leaving the air after seven episodes.

Be transparent and I'm willing to buy in. Play games like having Ryan asking if the judges had their decision yet and them saying "No, we need more time!" and then having Ryan act all flustered and "What should we do?" and then going "Why don't we just show this debut J-Lo music video that we happen to have lying around in order to give the judges time?" Come on, man! Even the little blurb on my on-screen guide said you were showing that video tonight. Don't act like this is improv!

And yet I continue to watch. So help me... I'm part of the problem. Shame on me.

Idol Chatter - The Girls

Second verse, same as the first: are there even five girls to select to go through to the next round? 

Better than the rest, but that's not saying much.

I did like two girls: Naima Adedapo (above) Lauren Turner. Twist my arm for the rest and um, um... I guess Rachel Zevita (below) for entertainment value, Pia Toscano for not being horrific in the closing "pimp slot" and um, um... Maybe Lauren Alaina -- though she unexpectedly went country this week.

Wasn't she in Hostel 2?

We'll see what America thinks... after the break.

Idol Chatter - The Boys

Not that anyone should care what I think, but then again -- you did come to my blog, so maybe you do care what I think.

Here's who I think should advance from the Top 12 Guys, into the final round of American Idol. This is not who I expect to advance -- heavens knows, we've seen our share of Sanjayas somehow, inexplicably last all the way to the final five. There's bound to be a shocker in there somewhere. 

But, based solely on the merits of the single song they performed this week, here's my choices:

The best of what's left, at least for now...

The first four in are Casey Abrams, Brett Loewenstern, Scotty McCreery, and Paul McDonald. 

It should be noted that I cannot stand most country music (Scotty) and I despise Rod Stewart (Paul) but that doesn't mean I can't recognize when a song is sung well. I'm not going to simply regurgitate "It wasn't your best for you for me" just because I didn't dig the song choice.

As for the fifth guy, it's between James Durbin and Jacob Lusk. I could see this one going either way, and the odd man out, assuming I get the rest right, is probably getting a Judge's Wildcard ticket anyway... 

On to the ladies...

Out There On Their OWN

None of these things is not like the others...

I have a degree in broadcast journalism, so I was drawn to the new reality show, cleverly titled Your OWN Show on Oprah's new television network, OWN, much in the same way I imagine people who can cook tune in to watch Top Chef, or interior designers -- my wife included -- can't wait to sit and watch Design Star. 

Let's face it: when a reality competition show touches on an area in which you have an expertise, it is like a moth to a flame. 

After several weeks, it's very clear that I remain ambivalent about this program. On the one hand, I appreciate the fact that these contestants are having such a difficult time putting together segments each week. I mean it would suck if I spent four years learning how to properly create content for television and these neophytes could jump right in and do Emmy-award winning work. 

Yet at the same time, are these really the best ten contestants they could come up with? Take Dr. Tony Roach, pictured below (left)

The winner of this competition gets a full-time job as a host of his/her own show and Dr. Roach actively avoided any on-camera role until his teammates darn near broke his arm with all the twisting they were doing. Then, once he finally did get assigned to be in front of the cameras during a cooking segment, he suggested that the most entertaining course of action would be to spend the first 90 seconds of said three minute segment arguing with his co-host over which one would do the segment. Then he added, we can just let the cook (Curtis Stone) do the rest by himself since he knows what he's doing. Forget about hosting... has this guy ever watched TV?

After his horrific performance, Dr. Roach would have been eliminated, but instead interrupted the judges before they could render a verdict and "chose to leave" -- making sure they understood he was not quitting. Whatever, Dr. Quitter. 

Elizabeth Espinosa (above, right) is supposedly already on television, as her bio says she is a reporter for KTLA. (East coast bias here -- I wouldn't know.) Presumably, though, we can see all of her assets in that photo, because when it came to professionalism, she came up empty every time. Mercifully, she finally got the boot when, in her last chance to save herself, she resorted to plagiarism, asking the same exact questions that had earned the winning team praise for their originality. (Never heard of James Frey, my dear?)

In the end, I guess it doesn't matter, since I'm not Oprah's target audience and regardless of who wins among the remaining candidates, I won't be tuning in to see their show... but I guess I'm just a little bit bitter that $100,000 goes to the winner of this contest, when my college classmates and I did better work on a routine basis while paying that much for the privilege.

Come on, Oprah! Hook me up!

Nailed It!

Check out a spot-on parody of the American Idol audition shows from the often-brilliant Randy Rainbow.

Schedule Unknown

And yet, nobody is watching YOU.

Here's the thing, NBC. I wanted to give this show a chance. A group of strangers wake up in an otherwise deserted town, each of them having been kidnapped and with no idea why they are there, or where "there" actually is.

It's the brainchild of Christopher McQuarrie  of "The Usual Suspects" fame, and promises to be only a summer mini-series of sorts, with a promise to wrap up the story by the time it is over, so there's no long-term commitment, other than tuning in each Monday at 10 pm for a few weeks when there's nothing else on to watch... OK, NBC, I'm in.

Except, this past Monday, even though the listings in my local paper clearly showed "Last Comic Standing" from 8 pm - 10 pm and "Persons Unknown" at 10 pm, for some reason known only to the network, they decided to flip-flop the shows while keeping it pretty hush-hush. 

What makes the decision even more confusing is that after airing two hours of generally generic and unfunny comedians on Monday, NBC opted to rerun half of the same semifinal showcase on Tuesday at 10 pm. 

So basically, anyone who was watching "Persons Unknown" have now missed an hour and are unlikely to return, and anyone who had set their DVRs to record the originally scheduled  two hours of "LCS" missed the second hour, and yet the network chose to rerun the FIRST hour again the following night, only with the "results" tacked on in the last five minutes.

Great job, guys. You should be... well, you know...

 

What Wormhole Did I Just Go Through?

So, I see this link for a clip of a comedian performing on "Live at the Apollo" and decided to watch it.

Did you ever feel like you've suddenly been transported to an alternate universe? Because, for the love of Steve Harvey, this ain't the Apollo I remember.

I was kind of expecting something more like this...

WOW! THAT'S ANNOYING!

So, three times in the last few weeks or so I've been lulled into deep REM sleep while listening to a West Coast baseball game on the MLB Network. They should really figure out how to capture the hypnotic essence of Vin Scully and Dick Enberg and put it in pill form.

Unfortunately, I've also been forcibly roused from my slumber on each occasion by this commercial which somehow decided that cranking the volume "to eleven" was a good idea:

Sorry, Staples. All you've managed to do is make me hate you. And Joey Slotnick, although in fairness, that wasn't too much of a journey.

Good TV from Glee

With LOST now gone, it's time for me to come up with a new favorite show. Right now, the leader in the clubhouse comes from an unexpected source - Glee.

If the writers of the show, which is more often than not extremely light-hearted and campy, continue to slip in scenes like this one from - of all sources, Mike O'Malley - the Emmy nominations are sure to come flying their way.

Maybe it won't stand the test of time, but that scene did what most good television should do… cause the viewer to have a visceral reaction to what they see and hear. 

It got me thinking, and here are some of the other sequences off the top of my head that made me an active participant in what I was watching, rather than simply a passive observer. I look forward to your comments and suggestions for others to add to the list. (I've limited the list to one scene per show, and not included shows that are strictly comedies.)

1) Twin Peaks - The sequence that starts with the Log Lady appearing at the police station and goes on to show us Maddie being killed is still, to me, the greatest fifteen minutes of television ever filmed. From the innovative use of the camera to the sheer violence of the murder, and a haunting score underneath, I still can't take my eyes off the screen when watching.

2) The Prisoner - The "opening credit" sequence of the very first episode is a master class of how to take what most shows today would use three seasons worth of exposition to get through and get the whole hypnotic and confounding series rolling in about three minutes.

3) My So-Called Life - The final scene of this underrated series has only gotten better with age. After Krakow tells Angela that he, in fact, authored the love note that Jordan Catalano gave her, she still gets in the car and drives off with Jared Leto. Then the show was canceled, leaving viewers forever wondering what was going on in her mind at that moment and what the fallout of this revelation would be.

4) Lost - From the pilot, the aftermath of the plane crash sucks the viewer right into the engine, and sets the standard for how a series can hit the ground running.

5) Buffy the Vampire Slayer - So many brilliant episodes to choose from, but for my money, the episode "Hush" in which there is no dialogue for nearly the entire episode is the best in terms of requiring you to pay complete attention to the screen. And what you saw when you did was not always pretty.

6) NYPD Blue - The episode where Jimmy Smits' character, Bobby Simone dies was one of the most gut-wrenching and real things I've ever seen on television. No gunshot wounds… no explosions… simply a slow and anguishing withering away in a hospital bed as a result of heart disease.

7) Journeyman - This was a show that deserved a better fate, as it was canceled just as it started to find its way. Forget all the mumbo-jumbo of the "time travel" abilities of the main character. 

As a relatively new father to a son myself, I was simply spellbound by a scene where Dan returns home from a "trip" to discover he and his wife no longer had the son he left, but rather a daughter who he has never met. 

Determined to go back to correct the mistake, his wife - who in this "reality" only knows her daughter - is equally adamant he does no such thing. A powerful moment from two parents who are both 100 percent justified in their position.

8) St. Elsewhere - MASH did dream sequences better, but the episode where Howie Mandel's Dr. Wayne Fiscus has a near-death experience and ends up touring both heaven and hell was sheer brilliance, especially when God appears to have a chat with Wayne and looks just like Wayne. "I created you in my own image. How else would you expect me to look?"

9) Star Trek: TNG -  For all of the Borg battles, the most impactful episode to me was called "The Inner Light" where a mysterious probe sends Picard on a journey that, to him, takes decades - he has a family, children, and even grandchildren - but at the end of the episode, when the probe runs out of energy, he is returned to his "real existence" where only a few minutes has passed. 

Yet, for Picard, the loss of this second life, which was very real to him, is one he'll never truly recover from. 

10) Fringe - In the post 9/11 world, use of the image of the Twin Towers needs to be handled delicately. However, there was no better way to symbolize that we had entered an "alternate universe" than to have the camera pull out to reveal that William Bell (Leonard Nimoy) had an office in the World Trade Center, untouched by terrorism. 

Bold? Yes. Powerful? You bet.