It Wasn't Me(t)

Not date Jessica?

So, several friends of mine have sent me a link from a post on Jezebel.com where a woman named Jessica talks about what it was like to date Mr. Met. Let me be right up front about this - it was not me that Jessica encountered, but as someone who "created" the modern reputation of said major league mascot, I feel obligated to respond to a few of the things she said.

1) Jessica says she dated Mr. Met for about a month after meeting him through match.com and that she didn't even know who Mr. Met was because she was from another state. Later on she says she's a Cubs fan.

I cry shenanigans. Look, it would be one thing if she had said she never watched sports. But to claim to be a fan of a baseball team - and a National League team no less - I can't believe Jessica had no idea who or what Mr. Met was. Surely at some point in her life, she would have seen a Cubs game broadcast from Shea Stadium. And even if she hadn't, it's not that difficult to put two and two together.

2) Jessica says she thinks it would have been hard to date him during the season, since she works 9-to-5 and he works mostly nights.

This is simply post-breakup rationalization. For one, she says they dated one month after the season ended, so she has no real idea. Plus, with the baseball schedule being a series of homestands and road trips, she probably would have been able to see him more often than say, a bartender who works nights all week long every week of the year or perhaps a cop or doctor who pulls the graveyard shift. If you're in a relationship, you make do. Jessica is just making excuses.

3) Jessica claims he had a suit at home so he could get "rented out for private appearances" during the season.

The Mr. Met costume that I wore cost several thousands of dollars and management would get upset over how often we asked to clean the uniform. There was no second suit. Assuming for the moment that the team has finally gotten enough wisdom to have a backup suit made, I find it highly unlikely they would let it be taken off the premises and kept in somebody's apartment - in a garbage bag no less. She also claims he made a lot of money doing these appearances. Again, based on experience, if I even believed Jessica dated Mr. Met - which I don't - I'd say she is either assuming, or more likely, he lied to her about how much he makes. A novel theory, I know, assuming a guy might lie about how much he makes.

4) Jessica says, "Well it was a strain being that I worked during the day and he worked in the evenings and on weekends."

Hold up, Jessica. You said you dated him for a month - and right at the end of the season… which means he wasn't working in the evenings and on weekends, because the season was over. If anything, if he did have appearances during the week, they'd more likely be at schools, meaning during the day - the same time as you. Don't be blaming the mascot job for the fact he didn't want to spend any time with you.

5) Jessica claims her boyfriend had been Mr. Met "for like 10 years."

OK. Here's the smoking gun. I know for a fact I was Mr. Met from 1994-1997. Then a guy named Derrick came in. He was from out of town, and not a lifelong Mets fan as Jessica claimed her beau was, so it wasn't him. Even assuming it was the guy who took over the reins next in 1999, ten years later makes it 2009, or last year. But Jessica claims that at the time, she was an actress in her twenties. That seems to imply this wasn't a recent relationship - after all, she didn't even really remember their first date, which would have been only a few months ago.

In other words… Jessica. You are either a liar, you don't exist, or this guy was totally snowing you with the whole Mr. Met thing. That's right… I'm calling you out!

What do you have to say for yourself, so-called Jessica person?